Texans Football Names – 2022 Team Name Ideas for Houston Fans

Updated on May 3rd, 2022 by David Sharp
Texans Fantasy Football Names

It’s still weird seeing J.J. Watt in another uniform. But it’s not nearly as weird as everything we’ve learned about Deshaun Watson’s, shall we say, massage preferences.

It might take a season or two for the franchise to get back to some sense of normalcy. Until then, why not make fun of it all with these Houston Texans fantasy football names?

Houston Texans Fantasy Team Names for 2022

Houston Texans is kind of a weird team name, isn’t it? I can’t think of any other team that follows the City Name-State Name formula.

That’d be like an NFL team named the New Orleans Louisianans or Cincinnati Ohioans. Sure, “Texans” has a better ring to it. But still, quite weird.


I love this Texans fantasy team name. It’s wholesome, optimistic, and yet still a very stupid pun.

Texan Driving

Don’t text and drive, do Texan Drive.

Tex Support

Turn Down for Watson

The WATS Team

WatsOn, Watt’s Off

This Houston Texans fantasy team name works because Deshaun is still here (for now) and J.J. is gone. And also, because of Karate Kid.

Kiss the Cook

Cookin’ With Gas

PhilLip Service

LindSay Anything

For all you romantics out there.

Hou and Cry

This Houston Texans fantasy football team name is both classic fancy talk and an apt description of too many Texans games.

Houston of a Gun

Hou Stink

Or if that’s not sassy enough for you, Hou Suck.

Texy Beasts


Houston of a B I’m Rick and Morty

Check out our Rick and Morty team names article for more squanchy name ideas.

Foster, AustrArian for Beer

Getting the KubiAx

Kill O’Brien

Bill O’Brien’s ability to leave a disaster in his wake rivals only my college girlfriend Jillian.

Deshaun Watson Fantasy Football Team Names

Did you know that downtown Houston is connected with a series of underground pedestrian tunnels? Pretty cool!

No, that doesn’t have anything to do with fantasy football. But it sure beats talking about Desean’s massages.

Watson the Other Side


Dehand Whackson

Run and Tug

I couldn’t resist. We have other politically incorrect fantasy football names.

J.J. Watt Fantasy Football Team Names

I know J.J. Watt isn’t on the Texans anymore. But maybe your heart went with him to Arizona.

Watter Under the Bridge

Jay-Jay Walking

Naked as a J.J. Bird

What, Watt, Watson?

I should point out that a lot of these Watt-Watson team names are interchangeable. Feel free to mix and match as you see fit.

David Johnson Fantasy Football Team Names

In the last few years, the Cardinals have pilfered both DeAndre Hopkins and J.J. Watt from the Texans. But getting D.J. back from Arizona kind of evens things out, right? Right? RIGHT?!?

Ok, maybe not.

If you’re a Texans fan, but you’re still chasing Hopkins around in fantasy, check out our article dedicated entirely to DeAndre Hopkins fantasy names.

The Statue of David Johnson

You can also do The Statue of David’s Johnson if that’s more you’re cup of espresso.

Deej Your Heart Out

To Deej His Own

DJ Football

Maybe it’s just me, but I think the idea of a D.J. named D.J. Football is amusing. He’d wear a Daft Punk-style football helmet and spin jock jams. So this Texans fantasy football name sorta wrote itself.

Mark Ingram Fantasy Team Names

Mark Ingram has quietly put up over a decade of quality fantasy production. True, he can’t be counted on as an RB1 anymore. But he can certainly be the RBII on your roster.

Ingram We Trust


For this Texans fantasy football name, you could also use Ingrandmas. Just take your pick based on which grandparent you like better.

Ingram Filter

Ingram Account and InstaIngram would also work for this Ravens fantasy team name.

Half ‘Gram

This Texans fantasy name is relevant because he’s a halfback, and because of the metric system. Whatever you use it for.

Wham, Bam, Thank Ingram

Brandin Cooks Fantasy Football Team Names

Did I steal some of these from our Dalvin Cook fantasy team names article? A chef never reveals his secrets.

Brandin Management

Brandin New Day

Brandin Iron

Too Many Cooks

Still nightmare fuel to this day.

Sunday Cook Out

Cook Line and Sinker

Cook’s in the Kitchen

Suck My Cook

Tyrod Taylor Fantasy Team Names

What’s the difference between the Texans’ backup quarterback and the guy that fixes your car? One is Tyrod Taylor and the other is a Tie Rod Tailor.

I’m sorry/you’re welcome.

TyRod Stewart

Or Tie Rod Stewart if you’re kinky.

Tyrod Taylor - Funny Chargers Fantasy Football Name

Tyrod “The Tools Man” Taylor

Tyrodical Ruler

Tyrod Taylor Soldier Spy

Tyrod Lannister

If you like that, then check out our full Game of Thrones fantasy names article.

David Culley Fantasy Team Names

Some people thought picking David Culley for the Houston HC job was a little boring. Then again, after years of Bill O’Brien sending out every franchise icon he could find, maybe boring is good?

Mulder and Culley

Hitchcock and Cully

Culley and Bones

The Cullying

DC United Football

Houston Texans Fantasy Football Names from Around the Internet

So the Texans’ colors are Battle Red, Liberty White, and Deep Blue Steel. That’s right, their last color is essentially a Zoolander joke.

Also, why does every NFL team have cute names their colors? Are red, white, and blue just too basic? Anyhow, old man rant over. Here’s one last set of Houston Texans fantasy team names.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Hou Oughta Be in Pictures

Deshaun of the Dead

Watson Your Wallet

It’s Always Darkest Before Deshaun

Elementary, My Dear Watson

Watson Your Mind

Ingram Toenail

Watt Me Whip, Watt Me JJ

Watt More Could You Ask For?

Tyrodasaurus Rex

Taylor Made

Andre the Giant Johnson

Is it juvenile? Sure. As a pun, you have to admit it’s pretty solid – pun distinctly not intended.

I Love Having Rex but I’d Rather Get Burkhead

Shout out to Academy Award winners Three 6 Mafia.

Team Name Ideas for Other NFL Teams

If the Texans aren’t your team, here are some NFL team name articles for every other club.

More Ideas for Texans Fantasy Football Names?

Do you have a funny idea for a Houston Texans fantasy name? Tell me about it in the comments below. I’ll add the good name ideas to our list.

About the author

David Sharp

David Sharp is a writer, performer, and father living in Los Angeles, California. His work has appeared on Rox Pile, Ranker, The Whiskey Journal, Retro Set and elsewhere across the internet. Follow him on Instagram or Twitter to see fresh pictures of his handsome baby: @TheSharpDavid

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