Texans Football Names – 2023 Team Name Ideas for Houston Fans

Texans Fantasy Football Names

Houston Texans is kind of a weird team name, isn’t it? I can’t think of any other team that follows the City Name-State Name formula.

That’d be like an NFL team named the New Orleans Louisianans or Cincinnati Ohioans. Sure, “Texans” has a better ring to it. But still, pretty strange.

These Houston Texans fantasy football names celebrate the good, the bad, and the weird of football in the Lonestar state.

Houston Texans Fantasy Team Names for 2023

The Texans franchise is still trying to get back some sense of normalcy after the last few years. Some franchise cornerstones departed on their own, and some were, shall we say, rubbed out.

No, on second thought we probably shouldn’t say that. But at least Deshaun Watson is someone else’s problem now.


I love this Texans fantasy team name. It’s wholesome, optimistic, and yet still a very stupid pun.

Texan Drive

Don’t text and drive, do Texan Drive.

Tex Support

Kiss the Cook

Cookin’ With Gas

Our Neck of Texas

Because have you seen Davis Mills’ neck?


We’ve got even more Davis Mills fantasy team names down below.

Return of the Mack

Marlon Mack had put together consecutive solid fantasy seasons before his Achilles came calling. Can he possibly return to lead back status in Houston?

Mack Truckin’

Macksimum Effort

Metchie Match

The Metchie and Scratchy Show

Hou and Cry

This Houston Texans fantasy football team name is both classic fancy talk and an apt description of too many Texans games.

Houston of a Gun

Hou Stink

Or if that’s not sassy enough for you, Hou Suck.

Texy Beasts


Houston of a B I’m Rick and Morty

Check out our Rick and Morty team names article for more squanchy name ideas.

Watter Under the Bridge

If you want more JJ Watt team names, they’re in our Cardinals team names article now. I know, it still kinda hurts.

Dehand Whackson

I couldn’t resist. But if that’s your style, we have other politically incorrect fantasy football names here.

Foster, AustrArian for Beer

Getting the KubiAx

Jay-Jay Walking

I know J.J. Watt isn’t on the Texans anymore. But maybe your heart went with him to Arizona.

Brandin Cooks Fantasy Football Team Names

Did I steal some of these from our Dalvin Cook fantasy team names article? A chef never reveals his secrets.

Brandin Management

Brandin New Day

Brandin Iron

Too Many Cooks

Still nightmare fuel to this day.

Sunday Cook Out

Cook Line and Sinker

Cook’s in the Kitchen

Suck My Cook

Davis Mills Fantasy Team Names

Davis Mills was put in a tough spot, and he actually handled it pretty well. Here are some Davis Mills team names to pay him back for sticking it out.

Mills Communication

License to Mills

Slide Into My DMs

The DM Slide

Extraterrestrial Davisitation

Lovie Smith Fantasy Team Names

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Lovie Smith in a head coaching gig. Is he the guy to right the Texans ship, or will he come and go as fast as David Culley?

Lovie’s Country Store

Lovie’s All You Need

Lovie’s Blind

Lovie’s Labours Lost

I Lovie Texas

Houston Texans Fantasy Football Names from Around the Internet

So the Texans’ colors are Battle Red, Liberty White, and Deep Blue Steel. That’s right, their last color is essentially a Zoolander joke.

Also, why does every NFL team have cute names their colors? Are red, white, and blue just too basic?

Anyhow, old man rant over. Here’s one last set of Houston Texans fantasy team names.

Houston, We Have a Problem

Hou Oughta Be in Pictures

Deshonerable Discharge

The Massagynist

General Mills

Money Mills

Mills Mafia

Big Mack Attack

Mack Street Boyz

Andre the Giant Johnson

Is it juvenile? Sure. As a pun, you have to admit it’s pretty solid – pun distinctly not intended.

I Love Having Rex but I’d Rather Get Burkhead

Shout out to Academy Award winners Three 6 Mafia.

Team Name Ideas for Other NFL Teams

If the Texans aren’t your team, here are some NFL team name articles for every other club.

More Ideas for Texans Fantasy Football Names?

Do you have a funny idea for a Houston Texans fantasy name? Tell me about it in the comments below. I’ll add the good name ideas to our list.

About the author

Brad Perniciaro

Brad is a software developer and has been running successful fantasy football leagues since 1999. When he isn't playing fantasy football, he's writing about fantasy football.

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