After creating custom fantasy cheat sheets, the second-most enjoyable activity of the NFL preseason is naming your fantasy football team. More often than not, owners approach this decision with humor in mind, in an attempt to best each other for the funniest team name and fantasy football logo in their league.
Creating Funny Team Names
One popular approach is to form a team name pun by combining an NFL player's name with something else, such as a related subject matter or a current event associated with that player. This method of developing a team name generally works well, but the hilarity of a name can sometimes be lost without a logo or other visual aid to complement it.
Adding Unique Logos and Original Backstories
There are scores of fantasy football websites which provide static lists of funny fantasy football names, so I have taken it upon myself to up the ante. In this article I not only list the top 21 funniest fantasy football team names for the 2015 season, but also provide customized team logos for each team name. And as an added bonus, I also created original parodies of each fantasy football logo to round-out the team name concept.
Most of these team name concepts are appropriate for all fantasy leagues, while others are dirty, vulgar, and downright offensive. Sharing this post even got me temporarily banned from the fantasy football subreddit at Reddit if you can believe that.
But if they weren't so outrageous, they just wouldn't be as funny now would they?
Funny Fantasy Team Names & Members from 2015
These are the funniest memes we created for the 2015 fantasy football season.
The Adrian Beatersons
Strapped for cash, A.P. and his agent spent the off-season searching for ways by which to capitalize on the ordeal that left him near penniless. Following rumors of film crew sightings at Petersons' residence, it has been confirmed that Fox is producing a new reality TV show based on life at the Peterson household, aptly titled The Adrian Beatersons.
Taking a cue from popular "Scared Straight" documentaries, troubled ghetto youth are sent to the Peterson Ranch where they experience, first-hand, his archaic brand of child-rearing. Berated for transgressions and faced with the dreaded switch or spoon quandary, the delinquents learn quickly enough that it doesn’t pay to misbehave.
Many of the hoodlums return home with both physical and emotional scars, but for some there is a ray of hope. Those who are able to correct their behavior are rewarded with a celebratory orgy hosted by Peterson, ultimately returning to the projects with a new, positive outlook on life.
It had all the makings of a great American story - Johnny leaves college early with his sights set on the big leagues. But destiny, however, had other plans for young Johnny. Miserable on-field performances, followed by an unsuccessful stint in rehab, left his football dreams in shambles.
Shamed by the nation and down on his luck, Johnny leaves the NFL to join forces with shadowy Mexican drug cartels and from the ashes of a once-promising football career a great American antihero is re-born as: Johnny 8-Ball.
Follow Johnny’s rise as he graduates from snorting lines in public toilets to become one of the most prolific cocaine traffickers in American history. This pictorial saga features several Hollywood A-Listers, including a cameo by Bryan Cranston who portrays the only player balder than him: Brian Hoyer.
Can Johnny fend off rival cartels, and even a bid by ISIS, to preserve his drug empire? You’ll have to watch this instant cinematic masterpiece to find out.
In this dark, macabre tale of suffering and loss, an NFL superstar has the world by the tail only to have it disintegrate in his hands- literally. While celebrating the birth of our great nation, this tragic character takes things a bit too far and is forced to part with the very things that gave him strength.
Pierre had everything going for him: a stellar football career, his health, and what was to be a lucrative contract extension. But when a friendly game of hot-potato with a quarter stick of dynamite didn’t end in his favor, his hands (and his career) met a grisly end.
The damage was swift but the lingering effects will be felt for eternity. Far from medical care, and unable to save Pierre’s hands, fireworks vendors were forced to replace his gnarled digits with the only utensils which are readily available: Black Cat sparklers.
Even though doctors have informed Pierre that prosthetics are not an option given his condition, there is a ray of hope for this forlorn figure. The Giants have made an offer to bring Pierre back to the team on full time basis. But not to play in games. Instead, players will reportedly run under his ignited fingers as they exist the tunnel as part of pre-game festivities.
Dezed and Confused
The epic downfall of this NFL superstar could have been predicted by no one. The once-promising career of Dallas wide receiver Dez Bryant has now disappeared in a smoky haze.
It started with being late to a few team meetings. From there his condition deteriorated, leading to uncontrolled weight gain, failure to remember the playbook, and ultimately a year-long suspension for a positive marijuana test.
Bryant’s veer off the tracks would ultimately parallel the destructive career path of running back Ricky Williams, a path in which Dez walks away from the NFL stardom to become a tour-buddy for musician and fan-slugger Afroman.
Whether Bryant can one day mount a NFL comeback, rising from the ashes of reefer madness to resurrect his career, still remains to be seen. The last we heard from Dez, he had pawned all of his jewelry and completely immersed himself into the Rastafari movement.
With his caveman-like appearance and obvious lack of basic grooming skills, Colts QB Andrew Luck knew that cross-branding himself with the Robertson clan (and their marketing powerhouse) was going to result a win-win scenario. As part of the partnership, Luck will make cameo appearances in several episodes in Season 8 of the hit reality-show series, Duck Dynasty.
While this pairing may seem somewhat unorthodox at first, some say the union was no accident. Industry insiders believe the Duck Dynasty corporate brass may have purposefully tanked their previous season in a bid to have first shot at signing the superstar. Tom Brady was also rumored to be candidate for the role but his price-tag proved to be significantly higher than Luck's, by a factor of 45-7 to be exact.
As their special celebrity guest for the week, Andrew assists the Robertsons with routine, day-to-day chores such as packaging duck call orders, preparing frog-leg stew, and ridding the barn of a vexing boll weevil infestation. Be sure to catch the season finale in which a hunter mistakes Luck for Sasquatch himself.
You'll have to tune-in to find out what happens next!
In recent years the NFL has faced litigation from a number of players alleging they contracted aggressive MRSA at team training facilities. Although new safety standards have been implemented by the league, with the subsequent number of cases having fallen as a result, a much-more frightening and deadly disease has been reported: the Stafford Infection.
Fortunately, league physicians concur that the sole outbreak has been quarantined to the Detroit Lions training facility. A Stafford Infection could manifest itself in any of the following ways:
- Inability to make throws on the run
- Lack of improvisation skills when pressured
- Severe bouts of inconsistency
The infection also appears to be seasonal in nature with symptoms typically worsening during winter months, coinciding with the beginning of the NFL playoffs.
While experts admit that there is no cure for a Stafford Infection, symptoms can sometimes be alleviated. Possible remedies may include consistent offensive line play, better coaching, and more than one competent receiving option.
In the Summer of 2015, a chance encounter between two strapping young boys culminates in a whirlwind affair which no one could have possibly predicted. United in their desire to simply be understood, and bound together by the holiest of holies, these football phenoms embark on an epic journey of love, hope, and heartache.
Recovering from a back injury sustained during a late-season automobile accident, quarterback Buck Bottoms (played by Cam Newton) is sent to Canada for rehabilitation. There he meets CFLhopeful Michael Sam with a casual friendship soon blossoming into a passionate love affair. But as the summer draws to an end, the two men must part ways and return to their straight (but phony) lives as NFL hero and hopeful.
Peter Travers praises:
"Cam Newton's portrayal of Buck Buttoms would have made even Heath Ledger proud"
A.O. Scott gushes:
"Michael Sam's member-throbbing performance just moved the NFL forward 20 years."
Don't miss this epic story of lust and loss which will be sure to penetrate your being where you never saw it coming.
In a bold move meant to counter the negative PR which has recently plagued the NFL, Commissioner Goodell has decided that "setting a good example for today’s youth" is no longer enough - the NFL needs a superhero. Working closely with the writers from Marvel Comics, the league has unveiled an unlikely but worthy superhero for the 2015 football season: Golden Taint.
Part man, part transition metal, Golden Taint is sworn by Lord Goodell to use his crotch only for the good of humanity (and ultimately The League). No one is completely certain of the origins of the golden groin, with some saying the condition could be the result of a Stafford Infection contracted during his stint in Detroit.
Sporting the number 79 (the atomic number of gold), Taint and his metallic jock will likely propel the Lions to great things in 2015. But if we learned anything from the villains of the 2014 season, it's that Taint will have his hands full protecting battered women, shielding misbehaving children, and calling cabs for drunk/high players.
Lord Goodell has decreed that the entire taint will be melted down in a Super Bowl ceremony with the proceeds being donated to Saint Jude. League sources have vehemently denied Marshawn Lynch's claim that he will be using the gold to mold new custom grillz.
Suh Kids on the Block
Mixing catchy pop tracks with urban stomp music, Suh Kids on the Block are the latest R&B boy band to take Billboard by storm. Their debut album Stomp it Like It's Hot, which dropped in early Summer, has already produced a number of chart-topping singles including the likes of "Tracts of my Cleats", "Standing on a Jock After Plays", and the 2015 hip-hop anthem: "Stomp & Grind".
The jury is still out on whether Suh Kids' bad-boy image will translate into a long and successful career. The current leg of their U.S. tour takes them from Detroit to Miami, with fans hoping that they can deliver a soulful performance without all the shenanigans.
The founding members of Suh Kids are even opening a chain of Chop-Chop restaurants when they settle in Miami. There they'll be serving Mexican Chop-Chop, made entirely of body-parts they dismembered during post-play aggression.
It has the catastrophic potential of wipe-out an entire league in the blink of an eye. Forming the basis of a yearly fantasy arms-race, owners stake their claim to the weapon which is unrivaled in its lethal and destructive power. Those on the losing end of this chase for supremacy will undoubtedly face a swift and miserable end: the Nuclear Jamaalocaust.
In the immediate fallout of a Nuclear Jamaalocaust, approximately 85% of opponents will be obliterated by the force of the initial blast alone. If you’re [un]lucky enough to be outside of the blast radius, the heat generated by Charles' all-time NFL-record of 5.5 YPC will vaporize you instantly anyway.
Think you are home-free because you survived the nuclear blast and ensuing firestorms? Think again. After-effects of radiation sickness will cause long-term health problems for decades. Luckily for you, fantasy football season only lasts 4-5 months.
Bell & Blount's - Up in Smoke
This August, from the creators of "The Love Guru" and "Gigli" comes a hilarious remake of the 1978 Cheech & Chong Classic Up in Smoke, starring NFL deviants Le’Veon Bell and LaGarrette Blount. In the modern-day script, what begins as an innocent trip to a preseason away game devolves into a comedy of unprecedented debauchery and idiocy.
The movie begins with the boys cruising in an unfamiliar hood, on a quest for marijuana to calm their nerves before the upcoming flight. After scoring some weed (and picking up a jovial hooker on the way) the boys cruise aimlessly through the streets of Pittsburgh, searching unsuccessfully for the airport until they meet their ultimate fate in the county pokey.
You'll scream with amusement as the boys argue over directions while devouring tubs of ice cream. You’ll roar with laughter as Bell explains to the arresting officer that he didn’t know you can’t get high and drive.
Don't miss what critics have labeled the most retarded comedy of the summer.
With four Super Bowl victories under his belt, Tom Brady has cemented himself as one of all-time NFL great quarterbacks. And now with his football career coming to a close, what is this NFL Hall of Famer to do with his free time? One word: fashion.
Teaming up with fashion shocker Lady Gaga, and inspired by his super-model wife Gisele Bundchen, the Patriots signal-caller has unveiled a new alter ego & clothing brand: Brady Gaga. This partnership launches what will likely be a lucrative post-NFL career for Brady in the apparel & modeling space.
In this early collaboration piece between the two icons, Brady sports an NFL jersey made entirely of dead squirrels. This ensemble likely won’t make it onto clothing store shelves, but it does certainly showcase the creativity which can expected from the duo going forward.
And if fashion isn't keeping him busy enough, Brady is rumored to be working with transgender pioneer Kaitlyn Jenner on a new sex-reassignment procedure. The controversial method reportedly involves inserting a needle into one's balls and deflating them until they are no longer detectable. When pressed about the experiments, Brady insisted he doesn't want anyone touching or rubbing his balls.
To be fair, no one could have predicted that a player with a solid-gold crotch might upset a few special interest groups. But in the politically correct world in which we live, the Golden Taint superhero experiment turned into a PR nightmare for the NFL.
In an attempt to resurrect their tainted public image, league executives met with first lady Michelle Obama and her Let’s Move board of health food experts to discuss ideas for a newer, tamer league representative. Out of those brainstorming sessions was born the ultimate politically correct NFL Mascot: Brussel Wilson.
Commissioner Roger Goodell explained the new concept on ESPN:
Our new league mascot combines the universal likability of Russell Wilson with the delicious, robust flavor of nature's leafy vegetables. Russell has consulted with God and we have received the green-light to move forward with this initiative.
Critics have challenged the league to put their money where their mouth is and replace stadium concessions such as nachos and hot dogs with more healthy options like broccoli and cauliflower. So far the league has declined to comment.
Beats by Ray
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If the New York Jets' 2014 season left you in stitches, just wait until you catch the 2015 season of Geno 911. It's the return of the clever mockumentary-style parody in which Captain Geno Smith and his cohorts assume the roles of real, professional football players.
Fans acquainted with seasons 2013 and 2014 will find familiarity in the newest episodes, as they follow the same embarrassing storyline to which they've now become accustomed: embarrassing on and off-the-field antics, an overdose of poor decision-making, and a par-for-the-course losing record. Smith spends much of the upcoming season trying to earn the praise of new Sheriff Todd Bowles, but once again finds himself fumbling and stumbling his way through assignments.
Viewers know that it will be difficult to match the hilarity of Buttfumble, TebowMania, and a 2014 season highlight: touchdown-negating timeouts. But fear not, new cast-members Corporal Fitzpatrick and Major Marshall will provide plenty of opportunity for things to go off-the rails in 2015.
It's only 2015, yet the Baltimore Ravens’ Super Bowl XLVII victoryseems like a lifetime ago. Following that magical championship run, quarterback Joe Flacco inked a blockbuster deal which made him one of the highest paid quarterbacks in the league. Since signing that deal, Flacco's production has plummeted with many fans and local media demanding a change at the position.
But in a radical, public proclamation of his support for the struggling quarterback, Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti has not only declared that Flacco will be the unquestioned starter in 2015, but has also filed a request with the league office to change the official team name from the Baltimore Ravens to the Flacco Seagulls. So why the radical name change?
Well, few people know that the Ravens' owner started his business career in the music industry. Industry insiders say Bisciotti was instrumental in the rise of various dreadful synth-pop bands during the early 80's. Former Village Voice music critic Robert Christgau remarks: "This is simply the case of a businessman returning to his roots, his bread-and-butter, what he knows best."
Are Joe Flacco, and the team that now sports his name, simply a one-hit-wonder?
Monte Wrecking Ball
Unfortunately, wrecking balls swing both ways.
Entering 2014, many fantasy football owners drafted Montee Ball at the end of the first round, confident that he would provide the necessary power to level the competition. After all, Ball was the pre-ordained lead-back in a high-powered Broncos offense- an offense that allowed Knowshon Moreno to post career numbers in 2013.
It only took a few weeks for Ball owners to realize that the only thing being wrecked was their fantasy championship aspirations. Ball started the season slow and ended the season slower, systematically reducing his owners' fantasy dreams to rubble.
Under a new head coaching staff, and buried on the depth chart, Ball's prognosis for the upcoming season isn't much better. There is no reason to fear the Monte Wrecking Ball in 2015, unless of course he's on your roster.
Mr. Rodgers Neighborhood
It's a shivering day in the stadium,
But Brett Favre's shadow has lifted,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
It’s a memorable day where the great ones stood,
A pleasurable day for a Packer,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
I have always wanted to have a player just like you,
I've always wanted to share this champion's belt with you.
So let's make the most of this glorious game,
If we're together, you’ll gain from my fame,
Would you be mine? Could you be mine?
Won't you be my player?
Won't you please, won't you please,
Please won't you be my player?
I'm Harvin' a Migraine
Do you have an intense, throbbing pain in your noggin' during fantasy football season? Did you pick an undersized, under-performing, half-cocked wide receiver early in your fantasy football draft, thinking that you actually got a steal? If any of these conditions sound familiar to you, it is very likely that you, my friend, are Harvin' a Migraine.
While the WHO hasn't officially categorized this medical condition as of yet, sufferers commonly report splitting headaches, loss of appetite, fatigue, and nausea. Dr. James Burke of the Mayo Clinic speaks of the illness:
Traumatic, concussion-induced brain injuries affecting former NFL players can be awful and life threatening. We are seeing many of these same symptoms in fantasy owners who are Harvin' a Migraine. Luckily for fantasy owners, their condition is entirely preventable: simply do your best to not be an idiot and draft Percy Harvin to begin with.
If you or someone you know is Harvin' a Migraine, there is still hope. Heed the doctor's warning and avoid drafting Percy Harvin in your fantasy leagues. If Harvin is already on your roster, remember that you have a friend: the waiver-wire.
I Pitta the Fool
Who could have predicted Dennis Pitta's stock would plummet so dramatically after only five years on the league? The American Express, or so he's called, was supposed to be everywhere you wanted him to be. But instead of being in the end zone where fantasy owners envisioned him, Pitta has spent much of his time on the sidelines nursing a recurring hip injury.
To supplement his diminishing earning power the American Expresshas paired with the credit card company which happens to share his nickname, following in the footsteps of other pseudo-celebs who have put their name on a credit card to earn an extra buck.
While the parameters of the deal with the Baltimore tight end have not yet been made public, AMEX has revealed that 1% of every purchase will be donated to the legal defense of Bernard Pierce, Ray Rice, and Jimmy Smith.
We Pitta the Fool that has the balls to draft Dennis Pitta in any league format in 2015.
I Love Lacy
Set in Green Bay, Wisconsin, I Love Lacy centers on the career of Lacy and her quarterback Thunder Lips (played by Aaron Rodgers). Lacy is a naive and ambitious NFL running back with a lust for stardom, but a knack for getting herself (and sometimes her team) into trouble whenever she starts to let notoriety go to her head.
Along the way, Lacy helps to establish a Packer dynasty as she accomplishes several firsts. In season one, Lacy set all-time team records by compiling the most yardage and touchdowns ever as a rookie. Season two builds on this as Lacy becomes the first Packer to rush for 1000 yards in both of her first two seasons.
But despite these accomplishments, the audience learns that Lacy's character is far from perfect. Despite her tough public persona, the 2014 season revealed that Lacy is a bit self-conscious about her weight, especially following an episode which was filmed at a chocolate factory.
I Love Lacy has dominated the fantasy football ratings, landing Lacy atop many running back ranking lists. The odd couple of Lacy and Thunder Lips shows no signs of slowing down in 2015.
My plan is to continue expanding this list to ultimately create the top fantasy football team names of all time. This original list is pretty exhaustive, with 21 concepts in all, but my goal is to make this the best list of team names ever.
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Do you have a original idea for a funny team name that you'd like to share with us? Again, tell us about it in the comments below and we'll try to get it made. Feeling creative but want to have a unique fantasy football logo designed just for you? You simply can't beat Outrageous Graphics who will make your concept a reality for only $5.